Year: 2010
WiFi Makes Trees Sick?
Gawker – The dutch city of Alphen aan den Rijn commissioned the study five years ago to figure out why their city’s trees were developing weird growths, according to PC World. The study, conducted by a researcher at Wageningen University, found that 70 percent of trees in urban areas exhibited similar symptoms today, while only 10 percent did five years ago. What’s to blame for the increase? Wi-Fi, maybe.
This has to be the dumbest study in the history of scientific studies. WiFi is causing abnormal growths on trees? Please! I’m pretty sure WiFi existed in 2005. Ever think that maybe trees in urban areas are also exposed to smoke, soot, pollution, acid rain and noise? Hmm, maybe that’s it. WiFi is a radio wave. It’s non ionizing and has a long wavelength. It’s no different than radio stations really. It’s not like WiFi is giving off intense high frequency xrays or gamma rays that destroy cells. They should make me a scientist who studies this crap. I’ll put them right.
People on the Train Piss Me Off
Pet peeves about fuckin annoying people on the trains:
- Lower your fucking iPod – It’s like 8AM, I’m half asleep. If I’m across the train, I don’t want to hear your treble. It pisses me off.
- Get your fucking hands off me – The god damn subway poles: stop touching me with your filthy snot covered hand. There’s enough room for everyone to grab a different part of it, why must your hand attach to mine like a magnet. I wanted to punch this guy in the face today.
- Blow your fucking nose – You know how friggin annoying it is to hear sniffling and snorting the whole way home? Also, get away from me you sick fuck, I don’t want your virus.
- Don’t crowd me, bro – Today I wanted to murder this fucktard. I grab a window seat in a two seater. There is a three seater across from me with one person by the window. This waste of life comes over and sits right up my ass, when there is clearly a three seats across the way with a gap between the next person.
- Get off the phone – No one gives a shit and wants to hear what you have to say so shut the fuck up, you’re disturbing the quiet.
I’m sure there’s a lot more, but that’s most of them.
A Portfolioso.com Lesson on Stealing Peoples Girlfriends
Here’s some flawless logic on a touchy subject and if you don’t agree with this, you are false. So you hook up with or steal someone’s girlfriend… Society’s reaction: what a dirtbag. Well that just depends. Not all the time. There’s a right way to cause someone to cheat with you and a wrong way.
The wrong way… If you respect the girl’s boyfriend, then you absolutely, by no means should even go anywhere near her. End of story. You shouldn’t even think of her in that way. If you do, you are an awful human and terrible friend. Gotta respect your bros. Even if the guy isn’t really a good friend, if he’s a good man and didn’t do anything wrong to you, stay away. Karma’s a bitch. If it’s your friend’s ex… Might want to stay away also. That’s just a little tricky.
The correct way… Her boyfriend is a total toolshed, dick, asshole or you don’t give two shits about him. This is perfectly fine. He’s an asshole and you are better for her. By all means, you have the green light to go in and do your thing. If she’s throwing herself at you, even better because you know she’s all for it too. If the girl actually cared about her boyfriend, she wouldn’t go around cheating. Plus, she started it, so it’s all good. Well even if she didn’t start it, if she’s game, then you are fine.
You can even reverse this logic. If a guy is whipped to shit and his girlfriend is a complete bitch, ladies go handle that
Bulletproof logic. Prove me wrong, beeshes.
PS – Left out the part about jacked dudes. If you’re gonna get your ass killed by some steroids bro, it’s probably not worth it either.
fake.com is Real?!?!
November 22, 2010
Useless Update
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Portfolioso
What the hell is this world coming to? fake.com is a real domain name? Who’d’a thunk? Seriously, I walked into work this morning, read this email and went hysterical laughing for like 15 minutes. Surly this cannot be serious. These jokers actually contacted us because we were “spamming them” Wah wah wah…
This domain must get spammed to shit. Everyone and their mother makes up absolutely false email addresses such as [email protected] when signing up for stupid crap. Who hasn’t? Why don’t you fools get a real domain name next time? Fake landscaping. Can’t be legit.