Month: May 2011

The Biggest Disappointment So Far This Decade…

Portfolioso May 25, 2011 No Comments Useless Update

I’m fucking scarred for life. That’s it… My life is over. The mother fucking Wendys at 45th and Lexington closed. I do not remember the last time I was this disappointed. Ever. Where the fuck am I supposed to eat next time I’m hammered drunk and need to catch a train home in 5 minutes? Like seriously…

That’s not even fair. This was my fucking childhood. All I did was visit the city with my mom and eat here from like 6-18 years old…

Legit… My boss just picked up a $300 bar tab and I’m still pissed off. My two coworker chicks just hooked up with each other while grinding on me and I’m still pissed off. I would have gladly picked up that tab if Wendy’s would have stayed open.

Fucking McDonalds right next door… Wendy’s was so much more hood than its black ass. Bunch of bullshit that it closed. I’m legit starving right now and needed food. Walked into Mickey D’s and walked right out out of principle. Not that I’m against McDonald’s. I’m a real fat fuck and it would have been good too…Especially the sweet tea. Shit’s legit. But Wendy’s was my boy and I couldn’t do it.


Saudi Woman Arrested For Posting A Video Of Her Driving

Portfolioso May 24, 2011 No Comments Rants

Mashable – A Saudi Arabian woman — at the center of a social media campaign protesting a ban against female drivers — has been re-arrested after posting a video on the Internet of herself driving. Manal al-Sherif, a 32-year-old woman who launched an Internet campaign against the Saudi ban on female drivers, posted a video clip (below) of herself driving through the city of Khobar last week. On Saturday, religious police arrested al-Sherif, an information technology expert at oil firm Saudi Aramco.

Never really saw eye to eye with those Arab nations before, but banning woman drivers is a brilliant idea. How revolutionary! You know how many accidents this prevents? It’s common knowledge women can’t drive. The nerve of this bitch, getting in a car and going for a spin! And to record herself too. Rebel!

I Called This Bieber/Gomez Bullshit Over a Year Ago

Portfolioso May 23, 2011 1 Comment Useless Update


Bieber/Gomez raping faces on live television? Zzzzzzz. I am AWESOME. And by awesome,  I mean I am always right. I called this shit a year and a half ago before these kids were even popular. Just by watching New Year’s Rockin Eve for 10 minutes and observing their behavior, my elite logic, discernment and situational awareness knew that they were up to no good. I have the tweet to prove it (screenshot below for those unworthy of following me on Twitter).

Fuckin Bieber… Asshole is too young for this shit. Plus Gomez is 18. She could do a lot better than Bieber’s 15 year old pencil. Tsk. Tsk.

This Microsoft Arc Mouse Looks Shitty (Probably Apple’s Fault)

Portfolioso May 23, 2011 No Comments Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

Why would you buy this carpal tunnel causing, asinine mouse?

This is all Apple’s fault, guaranteed. I fucking hate Apple. Because if Apple didn’t release that shitty assed Magic Mouse thing, Microsoft would not have copied it. Thus, Apple is bringing the tech world backwards. Apple thinks they’re being all innovative by releasing these new crazy products that suck, but everyone loves them because it’s a fashion statement. Then you get other companies trying to be hip and cool too. And what’s the result? A flood of shitty products that all suck.

Thank you Apple.

PS – It took Microsoft two years to copy this. Wow.

I Just Had a Revelation (Regarding Android)

Portfolioso May 23, 2011 1 Comment Computer/ Tech Related, Rants

I just had a revelation regarding Android. It’s really simple actually. Follow this advice and Android will be 100% better off in one year than it is now. If you don’t care about tech or don’t want to read tech, just read the bold part.

I don’t care how “open” Android is. Apple is kicking its ass because its UI is clean and straightforward AND there are no bloated apps preinstalled on iPhones. So there’s a simple, two part solution to this that I am proposing. Google needs to get their thumbs out of their asses, grow some balls and restrict the following:

  • Carriers may NOT lock down bloatware apps per device. They can pre-install it, but the user should be able to remove it without rooting the phone.
  • Device manufacturers may NOT install custom user interfaces (Samsung’s Touchwiz, Motorola’s MotoBlur and HTC’s Sense) by default. All phones should ship with Vanilla (Google’s default theme)

The problem is that all iOS devices look the same and thats why it’s so easy to use an iPhone. But if I pick up an HTC Android, Samsung Android or Motorola Android – they all look completely different. The menu buttons on the bottom are all in random orders. The user interfaces look different – some apps are displayed left to right, some are up and down, the icons on each one look completely different. What the hell is that all about? Google needs to partner up with carriers and manufacturers and be like “fucking listen – do shit the way we say because otherwise Apple will urinate all over us.”

Another thing. Mother fuck Verizon and Sprint for pre-installing a bunch of bullshit apps that users cannot remove. That’s some pair of balls. I’m paying $400 for an advanced phone and $80/month for service and you put my shit on lockdown? I don’t need the fucking VCast app store because there’s the Android market (Apple only has one app store). I don’t need Verizon Backup Assistant on the grounds that I can already back up my contacts to Gmail because, um, maybe it’s fucking built right in to Android already?!  This defeats the purpose of an “open” phone.

This is why I will personally root any Android phone I get just to give a big F you to these carriers for 1) locking things down to begin with and 2) overcharging.

You’ve heard me rant about skinning Android and how Verizon Android Phones Suck (and suck more). But this can all be resolved. I went to the Verizon store to use a Droid Charge. It was a really nice phone. Too bad Touchwiz is a wannabe iPhone ripoff (it does look decent I have to admit, but I’d rather use the native skin). HTC Sense looks like asshole. MotoBlur is eh and the icons look like garbage.

So Google – lock down your shit because Android’s #1 problem is fragmentation. Listen to me and that fragmentation will be reduced. You’re welcome Google. Please hire me.

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