Author: Portfolioso
Idiotic Congress Declares Pizza a Vegetable
This is why we can’t have nice things in the United States. We have a tanking economy, 10% unemployment,impending internet censorship, useless hippies occupying everything and not contributing dick to society, riots, crumbling roads etc…and what are our dumbfuck politicians worried about? Declaring pizza a vegetable. Are you fucking kidding me.
No wonder everyone here is a porker and Europeans make fun of us.Seriously, fuck this dumbass country. It’s going to shit because no one learns from history. All superpowers end. The US is fucking finished.
BRB. I have to go to the farmers market. Ihaveto pick up some pizza seeds and grow some pizzas.
No One Informed Me That I Was Supposed to Take the Crazy Train Tonight
The 6 train was out of control tonight. Absolute wackiest shit I’ve ever seen in my life. I think I ran into 3 bums, 2 people with Tourettes and a homeless politician/preacher. Not to mention the jolly singing homeless gentleman singing Christmas songs. It’s the beginning of November. Get a calendar.
Seriously… I walk to one end of the car and there’s a dude sleeping on the bench. He’s got a shopping cart duct taped to the subway pole with various shit in it. Across from him is another homeless dude with another cart of shit. This guy is preaching his ass off about “America is in trouble” and “the rich have it coming to them” and all that bullshit. The other homeless guy starts getting pissed because he was trying to sleep and told him to shut the fuck up. Another singing homeless dude joins the party and starts yelling at both of them because their carts of shit are blocking the way. Then I get a guy at the other end cursing his ass off and twitching.
They fucking bomb search me every day and you’ve got jokers just occupying the 6 train, disturbing the peace.
Only in New York, folks… Only in NY.
If they Fucking Bomb Search Me One More Time…
Do I look like a God Damn terrorist? No, there are no bombs in my bag and I have no plan on terrorizing shit. The absolute last thing I want to do is blow up the Grand Central subway station because then how the hell would I get to work? The trains break down enough already, so I don’t need to blow shit up to disrupt them further. DERP.
Every single time I walk into Grand Central with sunglasses and the fucking TSA jackasses are there searching people’s bags for bombs, I get stopped. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. This is like the 8th time I got stopped. Seriously, if I wear sunglasses, I get stopped. If I don’t have them on, I don’t get stopped.
They take this little cloth wipe and wipe your bag with it, then put it through a particleanalyzer. What particles are you searching for bros? I bet it’s a complete decoy and doesn’t do anything. While they’re over there searching my bag, they completely missed the c4 I have strapped around my belt…
The TSA is a waste of fucking money. These random searches won’t find shit. Guaranteed. It’s a big joke. Really… You think these terrorists don’t send someone to spot check the area and be like “hey bro with the bomb upstairs. Lets try this another time because they’re checking today” Holy shit…
So in this blog post, I will give advice to all you terrorists out there: leave those sunglasses at home, make sure you shave, and throw on a shirt and tie. No one will ever stop you. Guaranteed. Just walk onto those subways with dirty nukes, C4, nerve gas, MAC-10s, whatever you want. Because no one will search you. But God forbid you wear sunglasses. You’re fucked.
PS – let’s see how quickly the FBI breaks down my door because of this post. If they do, I’m out this bitch. I’ll find a freer country to live in.
Stop Bashing the Galaxy Nexus
November 21, 2011
Computer/ Tech Related, Rants
No Comments
Portfolioso
If you didn’t notice, I’ve been without a smartphone for about a month. Going from a smartphone to an ENV3 basically makes me want to kill myself. Such a first world problem… I had a Droid (which was a laggard, slow piece of shit) and decided not to replace it because this fucking phone was supposed to come out on October 10th but was in actuality delayed until (maybe) December 8th. So I was like “oh – it’s not worth spending money if I’m getting a new one anyway.” WRONG. I need this phone like I need oxygen. I would do very shameful things for this phone. For example, if I had the opportunity to have a threesome with Emma Watson and Selena Gomez, I’d probably pass that up for this phone.On the bright side, I save $30 on a data plan, which I’m pretty sure is equivalent to about 3 minutes at the bar…
Anyway… 96% of people are saying this is the most wonderful device inexistenceand Android 4.0 is amazing and all that shit. But these are the complaints I’m reading about:
It Only has a 5MP Camera, not 8, 16, 32 etc…
Who cares. It’s about the sensor, not the megapixels. It takes pics in low light and takes them without shutter lag. Enjoy.
It has Pentile Pixels or some shit and the screen sucks
Get your fucking eyes examined. Can you really tell the difference, you Apple fanboy piece of shit.
But it Doesn’t Have Adobe Flash
Fuck flash. No one wants this shit slowing down my phone, killing my battery and displaying ads all in my grillmix. Adobe Flash is a piece of shit, and it’s rightfully dying and being replaced with HTML5. Occupy Flash!
There’s a Volume Bug
Shut up. Pretty sure some asshole at Google/Samsung/Verizon will fix this before it’s out, because I’ll be 37 by that time.
Face Unlock Sucks and Never Works
No one cares.
It doesn’t have Siri
I don’t have conversations with fucking machines. I talk to people. So suck it.
No SD card?
Neither does an iPhone. No one cares. SD cards are slow.
In Conclusion
Shut the fuck up. All tech bloggers are assholes. Remember how Apple release the iPhone 4 that dropped calls just because you held your phone in your hand. Exactly. Shit happens. No go to bed.
PS – I’m going to run a naked lap around my block with this fucking phone when it comes out. Why? Because it won’t come out. And if if it ever does, chances are it won’t.
PS Again – I’m taking a shower. My feet smell.
Android