Author: Portfolioso
This Facebook Song Sucks
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9gfg1OwAO2E
I saw this on Gizmodo and they were raving about it. So I watched it for a while… and it fucking sucks. I can’t decide if this girl is hot or not, but I’m going to have to go with absolutely not. I mean she’s not the worst, butshe’s no Kymberlee. Second off, the music isn’t catchy. She’s just motormouth rambling and bitching about Facebook. If the lyrics weren’t there I’d have no idea what she was saying.
If you want to go with some kind of awesome internet tune, check out theGoogle Doodle Song, which is WAY LEGIT.
This is Getting Way Out of Hand
What the fuck is going on here. First, my Wendy’s closes, which pissed me the hell off because it was all sentimental and shit and I’ve been going there since I was like 7. I mean, that sucked but at least McDonalds was next door. I obviously don’t prefer it, but since I’m a fat fuck and need a place for drunk munchies before I hop on the train home, I’d go there instead just because it’s convenient.
NOPE. I walk by there tonight and the fucking place is closed down. Seriously. Walked by the place and I was like – “mother fuck, I don’t see the golden arches.” So I go to the building and essentially, all the stores and fast food places are boarded up.You’ve got to be fucking with me right now. Here it is like 10:00PM and I need to get the 10:20 train and I can’t even get food a few blocks away from Grand Central.
Like, what’d the shithead owner sell the building? I walk by there and all I see is construction and asbestos warning signs. Well you know what? I hope the dude who sold the building gets fucking lung cancer or some shit. This is a crime against humanity! Because now I don’t have fatty assed shit food to eat before I go home. Fuck. Me.
You know where I had to go to eat tonight? Not 3 blocks away from Grand Central like the good times. Fucking 50th and 3rd Ave. That’s like 8 blocks away. So I go in there and ask for an iced tea because I’m grossly fat and soda will kill me. You know what they give me instead? Fucking diabetes. Sweet tea with like 98 grams of sugar. Assholes. Obviously, no one ever messed up my order by Grand Central in McDonalds or Wendys. Then I gobble down my food and walk like an asshole for 10 minutes to get back to the stupid assed station. Of course at this point, I feel like a load of shit because I’m walking with nasty assed food hastily shoved down my throat.
Ugh. No decency anymore.
Amy Winehouse Is a Useless, Ugly, Untalented Trainwreck
This fucking mess is all the rage on YouTube right now. Lots of videos have been posted of her whacked out of her mind on drugs and just being an ugly, sloppy mess. So I watched a few of them and it was utterly disgusting. Drugs or not, she’s legit awful. How can anyone like this gross ass cesspool? First off, she’s almost as ugly as Meg and second, she’s untalented.
This is karaoke gone wrong. She can’t even stay in rhythm. You have the audience singing the right way and she catches up like 2 seconds later. I guarantee you that I can go to any karaoke place in NYC and find a hot drunk mess 100 times better than this joker.
YouTube will probably delete these soon because UMI and her publicist are ceasing and desisting the crap out of them:
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMPBTDneqQk
If I Saw This T-Shirt One More Time, I’d Puke All Over Meg
I was at the Jersey Shore last weekend and I’ve never seen more of these shirts in my life. It was like Phillies central down there. Give me a quarter every time I saw one of these on the Boardwalk and I’d have the whole weekend covered. I’ve never even seen this shirt before in my life and I go away for a few days and 99/104 people had one on, or some variant of it. Assholes had this shittattooedon their foreheads.
Ill? Really Philly? That’s the best you can do?Philly is so awful. Their sports teams are awful. Their fans are horridband-wagoners. And most importantly, their people are ugly.
You Can Suck My Dick If 20 out of Your Last 22 Facebook Profile Pictures Are You and Your BF
June 25, 2011
Rants
2 Comments
Portfolioso
A little God Damn excessive, no? Normally, I wouldn’t notice and/or care about these things, but I was at the bar and someone pointed this out to me. What a good point. You know who’s in my Facebook profile pictures? Mother fuckin’ me. And that’s all. Maybe me and my boys here and there. But it’s my profile picture. Starring me. And how hot I am. And how the biddies want to bang out, but I’m too good for them and won’t let them. I steal the show. It’s not some couples profile shit for fucks sake.
So I have one message to all you jokers who like to brag and show off how awesome you are because you’re having sexy time in every picture: Fucking blow me. Because I’m better than your mother fuckin joke boyfriend.