Category: Rants
If You Superglue Your Eyes Closed, You Deserve to Go Blind
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juAQrZQY59E&feature=player_embedded#
How fucking old, blind and stupid do you have to be to put super glue in your eyes instead of eye drops. How is that even possible? Don’t you store them in different locations? Like don’t the eyedrops go in the medicine cabinet or with all of the medical things? Or, why put superglue with your medical stuff, that should go in your hardware drawer. Organization you old crone. I can be fucking blind and I can tell you the difference between superglue and eye drops. Now the FDA is looking into the situation and will probably force these glue makers to get crazy new packaging, all because some old bitch glued her eyeballs shut like an asshole.
My favorite part of the whole article: “I’m not young anymore, but I’m not senile.” Listen you old bat, anyone who fucking confuses a bottle of superglue with eyedrops is not mentally all there. Period
If You Follow Your GPS Into a Lake, You Deserve to Die
Gizmodo – According to Spanish newspaper El Mundo, a 37-yo Senegalese man died when his car fell into a lake near the town of Capilla, Badajoz. According to his companionwho survived the accidentthe driver was following the GPS directions when the car fell into the water, sinking in just a few minutes.
According to amateur blog portfolioso.com, a 37-yo Sengalese man is a fucking idiot. If you are stupid enough to follow your GPS into a lake, you’re a damn moron and you need to be eliminated to improve the intelligence of the gene pool here on earth. It’s social Darwinism at it’s finest.
Pay the fuck attention you stupid idiot. You’re driving on a windy, dangerous, unfamiliar road – go slower. Last I checked, your GPS doesn’t drive your car for you. If you drove it off a road, you’re the one with the wheel and pedal asshole. So don’t give me any of this “oh it’s dark, it’s windy” bull, it’s 100% his fault. Could the GPS have been wrong? Yes, but it’s a machine – you use it to help you, not control you. Sorry but it’s called situational awareness. Very important.
So tell me who this schmuck fuckface companion is who survived? Another fucking idiot. What the hell was he doing when his friend was busy driving off a cliff – lounging? If they were in an unknown dark area, you think he’d be an extra set of eyes? You think he be screaming at his friend to stop driving like a maniac on some windy road with no divider and a huge drop into a lake.. Shame that guy walked away. Another moron who needs his genes of this planet.
I love reading these stories on the internet because it’s great ripping on these people. Obviously I’m 100% right. It’s like that fucking idiot who got run over following Google’s walking directions. Probably sued Google for like $300 million too.
PS – If you saw this post like 6 times on your news reader, I messed up. API tests/ reposting/ Twitter problems. Sorry
Ever Hear of Karma, You Stupid Fuck?
I just want to say that tonight’s loss is 100% Derek Jeter’s fault. I’d bet everything I own that if he didn’t pull this acting scam, the Yankees win the game. Guaranteed.
If you don’t know what happened, the ball hit the bat and Jeter fake pretended to get hit, grimaced in pain and then Granderson hit a 2 run home run right after that. It’s like an unearned RBI.
Let this be a lesson. Karma always bites you in the ass. This is straight out the Portfolioso School of Sports Analysis. KARMA. It’s a game changer. I don’t blame Hughes for giving up the home run. Hughes only gave up the home run because of Jeter. I don’t blame ARod and Tex for striking out in the 9th. Nope. This loss is all on Jeets. You fake one run in? You lose the game by one run.
I mean this was unheard of. Derek Jeter is one of the classiest men in sports. At first I thought this move was hysterical, but then I was like wait. I never expected Jeter to pull this phony acting scam. Sheffield maybe. Anyone on the Mets? Absolutely. It’s such a New York Mets thing to do, and that’s why we lost. The Derek Jeter of old would not have done this. But when you’re 53 years old, balding, getting married and hitting .260, I kind of see the desperation.
And then we wonder why Rays/Sox/Mets/Phillies fans hate us.
Please Explain To Me Why We Need New Voting Machines
So I got this ridiculous mailing today explaining that we got new voting machines. So instead of the old school mechanical ones where you mark notches and pull a lever, we now have a fancy new pieces of shit that scan ballots.
What the fuck is this, school? I need to go fill out a Scantron sheet to fucking vote? Do you know how inconvenient that is? Let’s go BACKWARDS and pull out the pencil and paper technology. Oh but you need an expensive, sophisticated machine to scan it.
This is why the county is broke, they don’t fix the congested, un-lit highways with washboard pavement, but they spend millions on fancy digital voting machines that use old school ballots and scan paper. What was wrong with the old machines? Yes, they look like they were straight out of the 1960s, but whatever.
This is why I don’t vote. Because you end up voting for politicians to make stupid decisions like getting new voting machines.
PS – Fuck voting. All politicians suck, except maybe this dude.
Cablevision Still Sucks Balls
October 17, 2010
Movies/Television, Rants
No Comments
Portfolioso
Once again, the asinine morons over at Cablevision pulled another network in a contract dispute. If this shit keeps up, soon they won’t carry any channels except the ones they already own. This is getting out of control. How many times have this happened this year? Three? Food Network, ABC, now FOX.
You know what pisses me off the most? This fucking propaganda video that is playing in place of FOX:
“In an act of corporate greed…” “150 million” “greed, greed greed” Guess what Cablevision – no one fucking cares. All people want is to watch TV. They pay you for TV service? Then it’s your job to provide popular channels. It’s that simple. I am not saying I’m a fan of News Corp here, but haven’t you noticed the pattern? Cablevision does this with every network and will continue to do it in the future. Guaranteed. Seriously, they spend more money on these public relations videos shifting the blame to the networks when it’s really all their fault. And they have the balls to call news corp out for greed? You know who sounds greedy to me? Cablevision. Not paying a network like everyone else does because it’s too much money. Or – we don’t want to spend all this money because it will lower our numbers and profits. That’s greed.
If you take Cablevision’s side on this, you are a moron. Obviously they are cheap fucks who don’t like negotiation or paying networks like everyone other provider does. It’s like they’re special and shouldn’t have to pay as much. You don’t see anyone else having this problem. Okay, maybe Time Warner cable, but they suck too.
I don’t even have Cablevision and this shit pisses me off. See here’s my problem with Cablevision. They suck. They’re owned by a bunch of morons (read: James Dolan). They’ve been pissing me off since 2002 when they wouldn’t come to terms with the YES Network and blacked out my Yankee games for a season. Back then, there were no choices. But now, there is only one answer:
Now if you excuse me, I’m going to watch the Giants game now because I can. And the Simpsons later. And Family Guy. Enjoy your blank screens, Cablevision fools!
Cablevision